of changing minds

I guess this is something that has been in the works since January when I decided to sign up for the GRE and do my Master's in Cultural Studies in Istanbul. Apparently it was a slow process though because I didn't come to the realization until this past Thursday.

One of the little children in my class, a particularly strong pain in my neck who lacks the control to keep himself from hitting and pushing his classmates at random and runs out of the classroom whenever possible, was walking up the stairs. Of course as usual he was refusing to come up the stairs and so instead of dragging him along like I sometimes I do, I just let him sit there and said plainly and blatantly, "I hope you hurt yourself." I left him there.

Of course I only left him because I knew my assistant was not far behind and would scoop him up, but still it isn't right. You can't say that to a little kid. What would his mother think? If he could understand I bet he would have come up and hit me, but that's not really different from his usual behavior.

The thing is I enjoy teaching, could even go so far as to say I love it a lot of the time. I do. It's been my job for five or six years now, and it's been good to me. It's taken me around the world, and that I really love. It's given me opportunities to learn new languages, see amazing sights, meet incredible people and discover loads about myself. In short, it has paid me back much higher than any salary.

I have come to realize that travel is an essential part of my life for its ability to teach, to open my eyes, and for the fun it adds. However, I have also become aware that I am less and less interested in the "education" of small children. What I enjoy about my job is how cute the children are, how they make me laugh, and how quickly they are able to pick up and then reproduce new things. Secondly, I spend most of the day on the weekdays in their presence, and it becomes consuming. So consuming, in fact, that I come home and think about them, or more often than not, they show up in my dreams. For example, Friday was a half day so I came home and decided to take it easy by napping. What happened? In the middle of my nap I entered a dream where I was on a bus dropping students off at home. Sometimes I feel there is no escape, or I just need better mind control.

If I get a Master's degree in teaching it would help me to travel more like I have been doing the past few years, but I wouldn't be focusing on an education that matters most to me, my own. I want to study something new, something useful and interesting. I am of a mind to start over again as if I was about to graduate from high school this year, and I have the freedom to do just that so why not?

What field can I choose that would be new, exciting and interesting and still allow me to travel, possibly even have a job in any country I wanted?

Chemistry?

And if I want to go back to teaching one day, I know I can. Yet I feel that my path leads away from that course.